Daft Plonker
by JenniGellerBing
Summary: Lily and the Marauders get involved in a game of witches' Truth or Dare. JL


A/N: This was part of a challenge me and my best friend Becca did, the challenge being to use alcohol, knickers, and the phrase "Somehow, I don't think this is going to do wonders for my reputation" in a fic. This is the result. Dedicated to Becca, aka Lenina Crowne here on ffnet.

The first time Lily made the suggestion, they weren't quite drunk enough to agree.

"We are _not_ playing Truth or Dare," Sirius said, a measure of disgust in his voice. "What are we, eleven?" It was a lucky thing they were not actually eleven, seeing as how the amount of alcohol they had consumed could be disastrous for a pre-pubescent child's body. Since they were all legally of age, they were not technically doing anything illegal, although they were breaking a number of school rules, something James and Lily in particular were trying to ignore.

"Eighteen," Peter corrected, grinning. "'Cept you, Sirius, you'll be seventeen 'til May."

"_Thank you_, Peter," Sirius said sarcastically. "Whatever would we do without you?"

"Come on, it's really fun!" Lily wheedled, taking a swig of firewhiskey.

"How would you know?" Sirius asked. "Do you play it up in the girl's dorm without your tops on?"

James threw a pillow at Sirius' head. "Hey, watch the hair!" Sirius said, throwing it back at him with more force, and James fell off his four-poster bed. "Anyway, what's so fun about it? So you dare somebody to snog Snivellus and they say no – game over."

"Don't tell me you haven't heard of witches' truth or dare," Remus put in. Sirius, James and Peter stared at him blankly. "There's an enchantment on the game. Once everyone enters into an agreement to play, there's no getting out of a truth _or_ dare." Sirius gaped at him.

"How do you _know_ these things, Moony?"

"I've got cousins," Remus said, blushing. Sirius shook his head, muttering something that sounded like "bloody _girl_".

"What if it's something really awful, like jumping out a window or something?" Peter said, looking worried.

"Well, obviously, if the dare is dangerous or really illegal, like hexing the Minister of Magic or something, the spell breaks," Lily said. "But if it's something all right and the person doesn't go along willingly… well, let's just say they'll be some gentle, er, _prodding_ in the right direction."

"Gentle prodding? Tickling jinxes and Bat-Bogey hexes, more like," Remus said, a tone of bitterness in his voice. Lily grinned.

"So are we gonna do it?" she asked.

"No," Sirius and James said at the same time.

One hour and two bottles of whiskey later, when Lily asked again, Sirius, obviously in a state of inebriation, slurred, "Oh, why the hell not?"

"But – but I thought – " James argued.

"Oh, shut up, you're playing," Lily said, under the accurate assumption that James would deny _both_ Lily and Sirius absolutely nothing. "Remus? Peter? All in?"

Peter mumbled an assent from his bed, where he was lying down with his eyes closed, and Remus nodded. Lily grinned and pulled out her wand. She waved it in a large circle and incanted softly until a burst of bright light encircled the five in the dormitory. It faded quickly and Lily pocketed her wand. "All right then, who's first?"

"Peter," Sirius said immediately. "Truth or Dare."

"Er…" Peter seemed to be contemplating the dares working behind Sirius' shining eyes and soon said, "Truth."

"All right," Sirius said. "Who, when, and where was your first snog?"

James chuckled. "Oh, we've been trying to get this out of him for _ages_," he said. "Let's hear it, Wormtail. _All_ of it. And the spell will know if he's lying, right?" he asked Lily.

"Of course, do you think I'm an idiot?" she said. "You'd better tell the truth, Peter, because I've seen the consequences for lying and they're not pretty."

Peter scowled. "Fine. It was – er – Erma Stanton."

"_Erma Stanton_?" Remus said as Sirius and James burst out in raucous laughter. Erma Stanton was a quiet, shy Hufflepuff who had terrible acne. "But – er – isn't she going with Melvin Midgeon?"

"It was before that," Peter said miserably. "Last Christmas, when the three of you snuck out to Hogsmeade. She caught me under the mistletoe outside the kitchens and – well – there you have it."

Sirius was nearly falling off the bed with laughter and even Remus wasn't bothering to hide his amusement. Lily smacked James' arm and he stuck his fist in his mouth to muffle his cackles.

"Don't listen to them," she said, glaring at the other three Marauders. "Erma is – er – a very nice girl. She's very sweet, isn't she?"

"Oh, yes, wonderful personality," Remus choked out as Sirius wiped tears from his eyes.

Peter was still looking very sullen as he said to Lily, "Truth or Dare?"

"Dare," Lily said.

"I dare you to… snog James right here," Peter said. "With _tongues_."

"Oh, Peter," Remus said, rolling his eyes. "That's not a very good dare."

"Yeah, they do that all the time – in the common room, in the Great Hall, before Quidditch matches, during Charms…" Sirius said, counting off on his fingers.

"Shut up," Lily said. "Well, if that's the best you've got, Peter, I'd better make this good." She crawled over on James' bed and climbed into his lap, straddling him. She placed her hands on his cheeks and leaned in to kiss him hungrily. James sat perfectly still for a moment before pulling her flush up against him, their tongues pushing into each other's mouths.

Sirius whooped and Remus laughed as Peter stared at them with wide eyes. James' hands roved until they landed on Lily's bum, at which point she squealed, slapped his hand away, and broke the kiss.

"Naughty boy," she admonished him, removing herself from his lap. "It's your turn, then."

"Be a man, Prongs, take a dare," Sirius encouraged him.

"Dare," James said. What could Lily possibly do to him?

"Wear my knickers," Lily said, smirking.

"_What_?" James gasped.

"You heard me. I want you to take your pants off and put my knickers on. Oh, and you've got to let us all see." Lily leaned back against the headboard and grinned. "_That_, my darling, is for grabbing my bum in public."

"Not on," James said, shaking his head. "That is _not on_."

"That's too bad, isn't it?" Lily said sweetly. "_Accio_ pink knickers!" She waved her wand in the direction of the girl's dormitory and a second later a pair of pale pink lacy girl's knickers zoomed into the dormitory and right into Lily's hand, much to Sirius, Remus and Peter's amusement. Lily waved them in James' shell-shocked face.

"Let's go, James," she said. "Into the loo, c'mon." Glaring at all of them, he took the knickers and stormed into the bathroom.

"Oh, bloody _hell_," he muttered. "How do they – how do they _work_, Lily? This is bollocks – Merlin, where are my – holy shite, I can't _breathe!_"

The four in the dormitory were shaking with silent laughter. "Come on out, dear, we all want to see," Lily sing-songed.

"All right, but if any of you has a camera, I swear I'll hex you from here to Timbuktu," James called from inside the loo. The door opened slowly and James entered the room, trying to cover the area below his waist with his shirt.

"That won't do," Lily said, raising her eyebrows.

"C'mon, James, it's nothing we haven't seen before," Remus teased.

"Somehow I don't think this is going to do wonders for my reputation," James sighed, lifting up the shirt to reveal the pink knickers, barely covering all his manly places and squeezing them all the same.

"Merlin help me," Sirius cried. "I am blinded! Blinded, I tell you!"

"I think it is safe to say you look like a daft plonker," Remus said calmly.

"I have never wanted you more," Lily said as she doubled up with laughter.

"I hate you all," James said, blushing furiously as he stomped into the loo to put his own pants back on.


End file.
